Thursday 16 January 2014

The Sample

I went to the Doctors, after ages you know,
to see if any light on me 'back' they could throw.

The place was stacked with patients galore,
any more and we'd have been sat on the floor.

This place is new, fancy and state of the art,
the best thing that happened was a baby did f*rt.

He grinned sweetly and his nappy did fill,
but to be honest I felt even more ill.

We also smiled sweetly, whilst not breathing in,
but even in pain I was hiding a grin.

Ages later my name was called and off I did go,
unto a hallowed sanctuary I didn't quite know.

I was poked quite quickly and not listened to,
and then I was asked 'do you need the loo?'

'Not likely Doc' I smartly replied
and so got sent home - with a 'bottle' to hide.

I looked at this small thing for a couple of days
then realised it had me totally amazed.

In all of my life I've never had to w**
in a little container - between you and me.

I looked on the 'net for hints and clips
and almost cried at the lack of wise tips.

Someone used a Ribena bottle in her quest,
then it came back as 'high sugar test' :(

At that point I really laughed out loud,
she was funny, crazy and amazingly proud.

So I looked round here for a container and funnel,
all sanitised of course - it were never dull!

The big day came and I locked the loo door
and did acrobatics - you needn't know more.

So off to the surgery I went the 'swag',
 all tucked safely away, in me shoulder bag.

The ground was covered in sheer black ice, a sight to be seen,
as I skated into the place like Torvill and Dean.

And all the while I had this thought in me head,
'if I fall right now I might as well be dead'.

If the bottle breaks on me way down -  oh no, poor me -
they'll say to themselves 'Another old lady smelling of wee'.

Sigh :( Still waiting for results BTW but feeling loads better.



  1. Hilarious - is it your own work?

  2. You are very clever with your use of words Miss, love it! xx

  3. LMAOO Di truly funny even though your back problem isn't.. totally brilliant lol huggles Sue

  4. Oh did you hear me laughing????I could just picture you doing all this & coming home to write your poem. Quite clever You! I was ROFL when I got to the last 2 lines. Thnx for the lift this evening, and I Hope they find something to help with your back. And that you are all well very soon. TFS Hugs.

  5. Tee hee!!I can soo relate to that one line about the Ribena bottle...I had a lady who used to come into the Pharmacy on a weekly basis(don't ask!) with a sample asking for us to do a pregnancy test-every week I would see her clutching "The container" and knew what was coming,no matter how many sterile plastic sample pots I gave her and how many times I explained that I only needed a few drops....she kept on bringing a ONE Litre glass Lucozade bottle!!(they had very narrow necks those bottles)and I always wondered about how she managed to get her sample in there!!??!! I'm sorry that your back is still playing you up Di-hope they can sort something for you pretty sharpish to give you some relief and get you up and runnign again :)
    Hugs,Nessa xxx

  6. Oh Di that's brilliant....I have a bottle here waiting for one for me and wont be able to do it now for laughing!!!
    Annie x

  7. Hilarious ditty Di!! I work in our local Surgery and you wouldn't believe the receptacles that samples arrive in!! xx

  8. Glad to know you're feeling loads better Di. xxx

  9. I, too, am glad you are feeling better.
    This poem is amazing - may I share it?
    Laura x

  10. You had me in stitches there Di. Having had to do this more times than I care to remember, I know just where you are coming from!! Kate x

  11. ROFPML which is not a pretty sight as I am in the office!
    Thanks for the giggle!

  12. Don't know about going to the doc with the back.. you are a definite candidate for the nut house.........

  13. Such spelt you are Miss. How nice to make us laugh while you suffer. Feel better soon and I hope they have the answer you need. Hugs from me to you.

  14. Yikes...the gremlins are visiting my fingers....I could swear I typed Such a poet you are miss.....didn't come out that way! Hugs!

  15. Many chortles from me! I feel like I'm weeing more in a sample tube than in the loo at the moment!!!

  16. Pam ayers move over hope you get news on your back soon!!

  17. Oh Di, you have me cracking up laughing!! This is so funny, but I do hope all turns out well for you :)

  18. Only just seen this - brilliant, Di - although the reason for doing it isn't brilliant - hope it gets sorted soon! hugs xx

  19. They do say laughter is the best medicine Miss! I once had to take in a sample of a No2! Try getting that in a bottle!! And they had the cheek in the surgery to ask me if it was fresh!!!!! Hope you get good results back soon.


  20. Hi Di,
    I know this feeling well. As I too had to take sample to the hospital this week before my op.
    Well after all the things you described, blow me down they only wanted to check the measurements of my eyes, and I am still waiting to go with a new sample, so it's that all over again. lol.
    Lots of crafty love. Jenny L.

  21. OMG! Nearly created my own 'sample' thru laughing!! So glad you're starting to feel better :-)

  22. It looks a lovely colour. I hope they get you sorted Di, and great poem. x

  23. ah Miss bet y'wuz smiling sweetly (like the doc)when y'wuz writin' this :)
    Just wait till they give u the 2 litre bottle an ask u to collect 24 hours of it.. my trick is to use a sterilised margerine container of correct size ;) then transfer to their receptacle. Live n learn... pray back improves asap. lv Shaz.x


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