I went to the Doctors, after ages you know,
to see if any light on me 'back' they could throw.
The place was stacked with patients galore,
any more and we'd have been sat on the floor.
This place is new, fancy and state of the art,
the best thing that happened was a baby did f*rt.
He grinned sweetly and his nappy did fill,
but to be honest I felt even more ill.
We also smiled sweetly, whilst not breathing in,
but even in pain I was hiding a grin.
Ages later my name was called and off I did go,
unto a hallowed sanctuary I didn't quite know.
I was poked quite quickly and not listened to,
and then I was asked 'do you need the loo?'
'Not likely Doc' I smartly replied
and so got sent home - with a 'bottle' to hide.
I looked at this small thing for a couple of days
then realised it had me totally amazed.
In all of my life I've never had to w**
in a little container - between you and me.
I looked on the 'net for hints and clips
and almost cried at the lack of wise tips.
Someone used a Ribena bottle in her quest,
then it came back as 'high sugar test' :(
At that point I really laughed out loud,
she was funny, crazy and amazingly proud.
So I looked round here for a container and funnel,
all sanitised of course - it were never dull!
The big day came and I locked the loo door
and did acrobatics - you needn't know more.
So off to the surgery I went the 'swag',
all tucked safely away, in me shoulder bag.
The ground was covered in sheer black ice, a sight to be seen,
as I skated into the place like Torvill and Dean.
And all the while I had this thought in me head,
'if I fall right now I might as well be dead'.
If the bottle breaks on me way down - oh no, poor me -
they'll say to themselves 'Another old lady smelling of wee'.
Sigh :( Still waiting for results BTW but feeling loads better.