Tuesday, 29 May 2012

A Tuesday Tale - Spheksophobia

Ha, now there's a long word for starters - spheksophobia. It means, fear of these little perishers:
And if you combine the above with these jeans below - that's double-trouble:
I was reminded of today's tale by something Rach said on her blog about being terrified of wasps - ever since she was stung inside her ear, big ouch, poor kid. If you're reading this Rach you might want to run away now :)

Many years ago, when I was aged almost 16, a fashion trend for skinny jeans (known then as drainpipes) hit the streets. My parents wouldn't buy me any, so undeterred I set to and did some alterations of my own on the quiet. All you did was to made a double fold down the inside of each leg and stitched it tightly right down the seam - I did it all by hand too :(

During the Summer hols from school in Germany I went away with my parents to Switzerland camping and said 'skinny jeans' were secretly packed and produced with a flourish at the other end! Snort, oh the price of vanity :(

So, here we are, in a supermarket about halfway through the fortnight at the checkout, with me sporting these jeans, which were so tight they were almost impossible to get on and off. I'd sneakily packed no other trousers and jeans either so Mum had been forced to let me wear them. Suddenly, I felt a tickle on my right calf and idly scratched it - 'sting!'- OUCH, that hurt. So I rubbed the leg through said jeans and got another sting for my trouble, then another. By this time panic was setting in as I tried to pull up the leg of those wretched jeans - to no avail of course. Sting followed sting as I realised that little fella who had somehow crawled up inside the leg of 'oh so trendy but totally stupid' jeans meant business - we were standing at the checkout and a bag of sugar had spilled and a little wasp party was going on :(

In a state of panic, and unable to hoist the leg of tight jeans up, what was a girl to do? Yup, I unzipped them and whipped them down to my ankles whilst squealing like a stuck pig! Of course, this attracted attention from other shoppers and an assistant who rushed over, grabbed a bottle of vinegar from a shelf and tried to usher said squealing piglet into the manager's office.

Well, that was akin to running the marathon in a sack, I did try truly, but the little dance of 'bunny hop twice, jump up and down, then two shuffles, two more bunny hops and repeat again with jeans around the ankles' didn't get me far - I couldn't move really. As mayhem began to break out the manager himself appeared - a large chap with a handlebar moustache I seem to recall - from what I saw of him.

He took one look and then decided action was needed 'Right, vee sort zis out' he barked - and without any more ado grabbed me round the waist, tucked me under his arm and charged towards his office. Yeah, right - eyes popping like a frog and still squeaking in pain - there I was, with me rear end exposed (apart from a pair of briefs, thankfully) and jeans around me ankles, being carried like a rag doll to his office.

My parents, I swear to this day, were almost exploding with laughter - me, I was totally mortified. Copious amounts of vinegar later we were sent on our way with a very large bottle of vinegar and no supermarket bill to pay either, they waived the bill - I think to get rid of the teenage 'shuffle-hop and look at my bum' dancer!

I do remember lying on the back seat of Dad's car, whimpering and applying wads of vinegar soaked cotton wool to what turned out to be seven wasp stings all the way back to the campsite. And you know what? I distinctly heard my Dad say to my Mum, 'Such a shame it wasn't a full week's groceries darling'. What the heck was that all about then?!

No wonder I hate wasps with a vengeance, and I do sympathise Rach!



Amanda said...

Ouch, that certainly sounds painful Di. Did bring to mind a wasp sting that hubbie got on our first camping trip together he was outside the tent cooking breakfast when one flew down the back of his jeans and stung him on the bum. He dropped his trousers too and i was so glad we had put the windbreaker around the tent lol. Hugs, Amanda x

Bernie said...

Oh Di I’m sorry, I’m sure it was painful and traumatic but I'm in tears laughing here. I could just picture the man with the handlebar moustache carrying you off with your full moon showing. BTW my father would have said the same thing.

l00pyscraftcreations said...

oh Di, you bought tears to my eyes, I was laughing so hard!!
I must admit, I dont like them, actually dont know anyone who does! And your tale reminded me of school, somehow wasps would always get in and start crawling up the skirts, Lol, causing much mayhem, as everyone tried to rush out the way, leaving the poor victim quivering with fear all alone, lol

Anonymous said...

Hubby and l laughing here Di! You poor thing, your tale certainly makes mine look quite minimal. I hope someone managed to kill the dreaded thing, it was obviously Satan in disguise!

Hubby would like to offer some advise, next time sew your jeans tighter! I also did the same thing, sewing jeans by hands is no easy thing and l remember every time l'd squeeze them on over my ankles the sewing would come undone. The things we do for fashion!

Take care and avoid those little flying Satans xx

mamapez5 said...

Love your tale today Di. It had me in stitches. It was no laughing matter at the time though. I remember when my hubby got a wasp inside his shirt as we were walking along Poole Quay one year. That resulted in a bit of a dance and a striptease act too, but it was nothing like as bad as jeans! Kate x

tricia said...

This has made me giggle. The pictures you conjure up are quite amazing. Parents can be so cruel though - no sympathy, just a quiet reflection they should have done a bigger shop.!!LOL

Annie said...

Oh Di. If you could only see me now. I have tears running down my face from laughing but my laughter has had to be muffled cos I have the twins here napping.....you could have warned me what was coming!! I'm sure it wasn't funny at the time but you just have a way with words. I hope you had your best pants on that day :-)
A x

Sandra (Stamping For Pleasure) said...

Me not laughing . . . me sympathising. Oh my poor, poor friend. Nasty waspie. Let me at him! xxx

Tracy @ Cardmaker's Delights said...

Oh Di, I wished I hadn't been drinking coffee as I read your post, I'll admit I ended up having to wipe down my keyboard, lol! xxx

Karen said...

Ouch, now that sounds very very painful. Although I sympathise with you, it did make me smile imagining you being hauled off to the Manager's office. Oh Di, you do have some tales to tell...!!!

Twiglet said...

I can imagine to pain and the blushes!! Those tight jeans have a lot to answer for! x Jo

Mary said...

Ouch....I could feel your pain. I too was stung by the little devils, and they are not my favorite of God's creatures. Thankfully, I was not wearing skinny jeans and I was at home not dancing up a storm in a market... Where were video cameras then? I'm with Karen, I too sympathized, however...perhaps there was a bit of a giggle!

Sandra H said...

Ouch! Wasp wasn't happy stinging you the once Di it had to be seven times oh you poor thing did you ever wear those drainpipes again?!! great story l have stitching in me side from laughing.......no joke though! l have been stung the once when opening the car door the little B.....was under the door handle and by the time l got home my finger had swallen so much l didn't think it would go down:) enjoy the rest of your day

Kathleen said...

Well I have heard of 'ants in your pants' but this is a new one on me. OMG, what a horrid experience, I know it wasn't funny at the time but gave me a really chuckle.

Kath x

Samantha Elliott said...

Your parents' reaction was exactly the same as mine would have been! And mine never let me have skinny jeans either as I was far too young. I remember my sister altering hers on the QT though!
I do feel your pain after being stung several times by Hubby's bees whilst I was wearing a bee suit and holding a very heavy frame of honey! But I have had a giggle imaging you doing the hop dance and then being carried!
I will give you a hug when I see you!

Mrs A. said...

Had the foresight to leave coffee on table before I read this. Can't stand the blighters don't like wasps either.!! Never owned a pair of jeans in me life nor will I . Been stung on numerous occasions though and not a pretty sight to behold as i'm allergic to the stuff they sting you with. I have to pack so many anti this and anti that pills when we go on Hols that I'm sure customs think i'ma drug smuggler. Keep up the stories. Hugs mrs a.