Tuesday 28 February 2012

A Tuesday Tale - pick where you eat your fish and chips with care

I mentioned my pal Joy the other day - we worked together for a few years and oddly enough got into a few scrapes - our boss called us the Terrible Twosome and I do think we managed to age him by about 20 years :)
Our work meant travelling a fair bit and more than once we visited our Northern offices as  the Terrible Twosome with glee. Both having Northern roots it was one of the more fun trips on our schedule - err, usually.

On this particular dark evening we'd left the Carlisle office and were driving back to our hotel when we spied a good ole Northern fish and chip shop. It was emanating (big word!) the most wonderful smells and so we stopped and joined the queue. Hotel food did become quite tiring and this promised to be a yummy meal.

The food came in boxes like those above and we selected our own personal treat - a polystyrene pot of curry sauce for Joy (What?! That was a new one on me.) and a large soft roll for your truly. I'm afraid to confess that I just love a chip butty :)

We hopped back into Joy's car and then parked, almost straight over the road, in a very quiet little car park in a disused retail park. Windows down to prevent the lingering smell of vinegar and curry sauce we began to tuck in. Bliss - and then Joy hissed at me 'Don't look too pointedly Di, but can you see what going on over there?'.

I'd been really pre-occupied making my chip butty, head down and carefully lining up the chips like little soldiers (chip OCD?), and had only partly noticed the only other cars which had arrived in the car park. So, I took a look and replied 'Really parked close together aren't they - they'd never be able to open their doors to get out' and then 'Oooh, look Joy, how friendly - they're passing packs of cigarettes around from car to car through the windows', before returning to carefully assembling layer two of chips in said chip butty. How stupid slow dumb naive can you get!! :(

Next thing I knew, Joy had quietly raised the car windows - then she made her move. 'Look Dumbo' she hissed (there was a lot of hissing going on here I noticed) - 'those aren't packets of cigarettes. And we could be thought to be a drugs surveillance team if they take notice'.

Slowly, the asses ears sprouted from my head and preoccupation with a neatly made chip butty was swiftly replaced by absolute terror. 'Hold onto your hat Di - we're out of here' was the next utterance from Joy, followed by her box of fish and chips landing on my lap and the pot of curry sauce being thrust into my hand.  And with that, she started the engine and we screeched out of the car park.

It was like a scene from something like Cagney and Lacey or maybe Thelma and Louise. Only, I just bet that Louise wasn't whimpering 'I want my Mummy. I don't want to be shot. I didn't see anything, honestly' repeatedly whilst looking like an Indian goddess with each hand raised on either side, one clutching a chip butty and the other one holding a lidless pot of curry sauce as we hurtled along. There were a few mini-roundabouts on the route too and believe me, that was tricky stuff! Threats from Joy that she'd personally shoot me if I spilt the curry sauce all over the car weren't helping either :(

As it happens, we weren't followed, we did survive unscathed and hid the car round the back of the hotel where we half heartedly finished off the fish and chip supper. The following day, back at the Carlisle office, we discovered that sure enough - where we'd parked was a known local hangout for drug dealers. Ha, known perhaps - but not if you're a couple of innocent visitors trying to have a quiet supper!



  1. Oops, close call there, Di. A really funny but frightening story. However, why should we innocent people have to worry about where and when we park up? Something is very wrong with the world when that happens. Our world is going mad. Glad you got out of there safe and sound, though. xx Maggie

  2. Priceles!

    Perhaps you should rename your Tuesday posts as Tuesday's Tales of Terror?????? Just sayin' xxxx

  3. LOL!!!

    There was me thinking you would be eating them alfresco and a gull was going to swoop down and pinch them!!!!

    I'm with you on the chip butty front .. .. you can't beat them!!

    Love your Tuesday stories.

    Love Jules xx

  4. Di your story is brilliant but so scary.

  5. I think you got lucky there Di cos I believe they park up for other reasons these days too....something to do with exercising their dogs I believe :-)
    Love your Tuesday tales.
    A x

  6. Your stories are priceless, Di. You'e certainly seen life!!! The mind boggles at what goes on out there in the big bad world.
    Next time I'm having Yorkshire fish and chips I'll think of you!!
    Hugs Lisax

  7. Oh Di!!! You really get the imagination going, Fish & Chips will never be the same again. Glad that you escaped to tell another tale.Look forward to next tuesday's episode.

  8. Oh Tale of terror!! Di,These look yummy though! nice to know you got out of there safe won't be going again in a hurry......lol Thank you for your lovely comments too:)

  9. You should have offered your services to the anti-drug enforcement officers. At first I thought maybe you parked at the park across the street from where I used to work, but then I realized that naw... those folks don't have cars. They pawned them for more drug money already.

  10. I really did (lol) Di at you more interested in your chip buttie x x lucky escape both of you, very impressed that the curry sauce made it back though!!!! Hugs May x x

  11. OMG Di I LOVE your stories. You have lead and interesting life to say the least. I'd never heard of a chip butty so quickly looked it up. Who knew?! It’s something unheard of here. May years ago a co-worker made herself a French fry (chips) sandwich. I gave her an odd look. She looked over her sandwich, smiled and said ‘You don’t know what you’re missing.’ I tired it and OMG they are SO Yummy I‘ve been making them ever since. Everyone thinks I'm nuts and I do get some odd looks in restaurants as I line up those ‘fries’ every so carefully but Daisy was right, they don't know what they are missing.

  12. Hi Di,

    It's a good thing you got out of there with your dinner. I bet if they smelled your food they would have been over there to satisfy their munchies!'
    Good thing you got away!!


  13. Another great blast from the past, the great escape or what.
    Now we've had the drugs, can't wait for the sex and rock and roll stories.lol

    Kath x

  14. After having a really BAD fortnight, this really cheered me up! You are SOOO funny and a real tonic Di...xxx

  15. Just got round to reading this post and boy did I need a laugh. Thanks so much for lightning my load even if just for a minute. hugs Mrs A.


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